 This is a guaranteed shag with the bird whose whiskers you’ve always wanted to split. That chick that would never usually let you open her cat-flap will be chomping on your bit in no time. Here’s how you do it.
I’ve been making a note of just how superstitious women appear to be – whether its going to see clairvoyants or stupid things like “touching wood” at any opportunity (I wish they’d touch mine more often) they all sucker that shite. So lets use that to your advantage - go round to her house one evening with a bunch of flowers and present them to her in a sort of strange ‘trance-like’ state. After she’s arranged them and they’ve sat on the windowsill for a while, when she’s not looking squeeze the ink from one of those school cartridge pens in to the vase. When she returns make up some soppy story about a recurring dream you keep getting where a God-like voice keeps telling you “You two shall marry…and will make sweet love together for the rest of your lives”. Then go on to say how you tell him that he’s got it all wrong and he replies with a “I SHALL LEAVE A SIGN!” Ok, job done, leave the house. Within the next day you WILL receive a call from this chick. She WILL want to marry you and WILL have sex with you whenever you want. Trust me it works – the ink rises up the flower stalk and the whole bunch of flowers turn red/black/green i.e. the colour of the ink. Oh, by the way Whsmiths do all sorts of lovely colours of ink if black seems a little dark! BANG! You’re the man. |
