Car Seat Security
ImageMy head is mad. It always invents random tod. For example the other day my mates MGF got TWOKED. He was gutted (god knows why). Anyway, I’ve invented the ultimate security device for cars.
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Speed Pooing
ImageIf you’ve got a bird this one’s for her. I was in the office at Kerrang and I kept noticing birds walking off to the toilet and then returning no more than 2 minutes later.
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The Midas Touch
ImageThis is a guaranteed shag with the bird whose whiskers you’ve always wanted to split. That chick that would never usually let you open her cat-flap will be chomping on your bit in no time. Here’s how you do it.
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Half Pint & a Turd Please

ImageFunk all those “How to become a Millionaire” books – I’ve got a blinder that’ll cost you no more that 2 rats and will make you a mint in a night. All you need for this is a group of mates, a Snickers bar and half a pint of cider. That’s your only investment. Here’s what to do.

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@timshawuk on Twitter
  • Thu, Mar 11th
    • He's now putting together a little puzzle he was given "That goes on there, What is that?" Mood 6/10 Ok #maninbox 03:12 PM
    • Hatch man has just given Tim an undiscribable object "What the hell is that" 03:10 PM
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